It Is Not Enough
Our Big Gayborhood is proud to add the voice of 15-year-old gay teen Jacob Griffith Gardner to the diverse sounds of life here…where the queers write.
The country has come a long way since 1969 and the take-off of the gay rights movement. We now have such victories under our belt as the Matthew Shepard Act, five states and the District of Columbia legally recognize gay marriage, and we are closer than ever to having legislation addressing homophobic policies in the country’s military.
However, though all of this is a light at the end of the tunnel for gay teens, most of us do not know about such legislation, for it does not usually affect us directly, since we are youth. What does affect us is school. We are supposed to feel safe there. Yet, for most of us, school does not feel safe, since only fourteen states have anti-harassment and bullying laws that directly address sexual orientation, and those laws do not necessarily do all that much.
I am fortunate to live in one of the states, Connecticut, that addresses sexual orientation in their anti-bullying laws, and yet even I have faced my share of harassment. Even this year, my freshman year in high school, there was an incident where a member of my sports team threw a rock the size of a baseball at the back of my head and called me a “gay pussy fag kid.” You see, when somebody who is, or is perceived to be, gay or lesbian walks down the hallway in my school, or most schools surrounding mine, they are guaranteed to hear homophobic slurs and phrases such as “fag,” “dyke,” and things like “that’s so gay.”
So, if this even happens in a state where kids like me are “protected,” what happens to somebody who lives in a state where there may be anti-bullying laws that do not address sexual orientation? Therein lies the point. There is no use for gay marriage if we, as teens, do not make it to an age where we can get married. This sounds dramatic, and it is, but we must bring things into perspective and recognize that in a study of deaths and suicide in Massachusetts, 40% of gay students attempted suicide versus 10% of heterosexual peers. This follows a current national trend that says gay students are between two and four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.
I mean, I am not saying that we should put everything in terms of gay marriage on a back burner and stop fighting. I personally want people like my moms to stay or be able to get married with legal recognition and one day to be able to follow with my own marriage. I am, however, saying we have something else to fight for.
What we need is legislation for the education of three groups. The first is school administrators–there is no point in having laws if they are not going to be enforced. The second is teachers–if an incident is not reported, how can anything be done? Lastly, students must be educated. We need education in schools about sexual orientation. Such classes should, however, only present known facts and studies without any opinions or religious aspects to them. Until children are able to access more than just negative opinions about sexual orientation, nothing we may do is enough.
Jacob Griffith Gardner lives in southern Connecticut with his two moms, bisexual sister, a straight twin (who he still loves anyway), five cats, and his dog. Though he faced a lot of harassment before coming out, toward the end of 8th grade, he did just that…via Facebook. Since coming out, he has joined the Stonewall Speakers, the ADL’s A World of Difference campaign, and his school’s Cross Country and Track teams.
Jacob’s other work includes A Word From the Stonewall Speakers and Being a Youth.
And yes, in the photo above he is indeed wearing an ornament as an earring.
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Here in New York, our state assembly and senate passed the “Dignity for All Students” bill, which took effect July 1. What is heartening is that it was passed by an overwhelmingly bipartisan vote — in the Senate (which soundly defeated same-sex marriage), it passed with a vote of 58-3.
Being the cynic I am, however, I wonder just how effective this new law will be. As you point out, laws are only as good if they have good, sharp teeth and law enforcement (or school administrators and teachers) willing to enforce them.
Good for you for fighting the good fight.
Great post, and welcome to the gayborhood! What a brave young man you are, Jacob. I can’t imagine coming out in high school, much less grade school, when I was your age. The harassment may never stop completely, but it lessens and you learn to cope with it better as you get older.
Well said, Jacob! I wish I’d had your courage when I was 15! Welcome to the Gayborhood! (And no, I dont usually us e so many exclamation points.)
Having had a teenage son come out at my house this year, and being the mom who knew years before he could say the words, it’s been a bit of adventure. Once he could say those three words out loud his entire demeanor and carriage changed. He walks taller, speaks louder, and will not be denied his place in his communities. Tingling with pride at his strength, he is a good young man who is also gay.
Thanks for sharing your story here Jacob – perhaps there will be parents who run across it and see their child needs to be complete to fulfill their destiny.
Hey Jacob,
It’s good to see you here, and I’m thrilled to hear that you’ll be contributing… these issues are hugely important. Adults can mostly stand up for themselves – teens often can’t, especially without family backing.
*applause*
Thanks for joining the team, and I hope we hear from you again soon.
I work with one of Jacob’s moms and I see the fire in her for not taking anything, never mind bullying lightly. It’s obvious that Jake has a fire in him that is something to be in awe of, especially at such a young age. Being “out” in school isn’t an easy road to travel but I truly believe that Jake is more than ready for ground breaking challenges. He’s the type of future we all need. I’m very proud of Jake.
Jacob:
I am very proud of my second cousin. Your Mom, Donna, is my first cousin.
By you coming out and writing about your experiences, I hope you will be a shining example to other young people that being gay does not make you different. We are all fellow human beings and we are all endowed with the same rights. Freedom is a right, not an endowment. We should not have to fight to pass legislation on something that is ours already.
Our family supports you in all your endeavors and know that there are a lot of people, both gay and straight, that whole-heartedly support “our” rights to live our lives without enduring harassment. Before Women’s Lib, women had to put up with being treated as second-class citizens and with harassment from men. We have come a long way, baby, and hopefully Gay Rights will become as common place as women’s rights very soon.
Welcome to the Gayborhood Jacob, your stregnth and leadership are amazing!
Great debut article, Jacob! Young people can make a real difference by speaking up (and out)for themselves. You set an excellent example for your peers and have the potential to help them a lot.