The Man With PMS
Even though I pass for a biological male at most times in life, there are still unique situations as a trans guy that I deal with and will have to continue to deal with for the rest of my life.
As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, I take testosterone. I use a gel daily that gets absorbed into my bloodstream after I apply it to my body. It happens to smell like nice scented cologne to a lot of people. I’m always asked what kind of cologne I’m wearing, and if people don’t know I’m trans, I usually have an awkward answer like “I’m not sure, it’s a bottle of something I got as a gift.”
Explaining away the scent of my gel is one thing, but lately I’m having trouble hiding the fact that I still get PMS. I am running out of reasons and stories to explain my “stomach aches,” bloating, and slight irritability once a month, especially at my office. I’m out to some people at work, but not everyone. And I work in a small business office so we are in close quarters and sort of know what is always going on with everyone around us. The other problem is that after I apply my gel, I cannot have physical contact with anyone for at least a half hour. My gel needs to dry and absorb into my skin and if I make accidental contact with anyone, it will stain his or her clothes. If I get it on any girls, it can have negative effects that can lead to infertility. So, after I put my gel on in the morning, I can’t hug my girlfriend and once I get to my office, I have to be careful not to bump into anyone.
I can laugh about these things with my close friends most of the time. We all make lots of jokes about me being the boy with PMS or the fact that I look like I have a terrible case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as I try to avoid being near people when I first put my gel on in the morning. But sometimes these little things bother me on a serious level. They serve as consistent reminders that I wasn’t born as a man and that I still deal with things I would rather not.
The other thing that bothers me is when I need to use the men’s public restroom. My first issue is that it is just plain gross. It is not clean at all, it smells awful, and I’m a germaphobe. My second issue is that because I still sit when I pee, it is automatically assumed that when I go into the men’s room, I must be going #2. And that just bothers me for some reason. I don’t like people looking at me as the guy who must be stinking up the joint even when I’m not.
My other issue now that it’s summer in Los Angeles is that I’m sweating a lot. I sweat like every other human when the temperature rises, but the fact that I wear a binder everyday to conceal my chest doesn’t help. For those of you who have ever worn control-top pantyhose, think about having to wear that kind of material as a tank top that goes under your regular clothes everyday. It does its job well and definitely conceals my chest, but it makes me feel like I’m in a sauna for 12 hours a day when wearing it. So currently, the people in my office think that I’m diabetic or that I am in need of prescription strength deodorant because I am hot and sweating at all times.
I am in a much better place in life now that I have transitioned and I’m lucky to pass in most of my life, but one day I’m hoping to alleviate some of these other things that still go on. In 6 months, I will be having top surgery so that will at least eliminate the binder issue. In regards to the other stuff, I guess I’ll just have to come to terms with knowing that most others think I’m a great-smelling guy who shits all the time.
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As far as the men’s room, I wouldn’t worry much as some of the most rough-hewn among us still sit to piss. I do for a simple reason: I hate piss on my feet more than sitting on a seat I can wipe clean prior to sitting. Splatter seems inevitable no matter how I try. As for the seat, individual wrapped handi-wipes or even lens cleaner with alcohol work great. and don’t forget those who can’t stand long for ‘back problem’ reasons.
Thank you for this very interesting article!
I presume you took this job after making the transition, right? How do you decide which of your colleagues is cool enough to come out to? You have my sympathies for having to be on guard all the time, but can’t you just put the gel on in the evening, when you get home?
Testosterone with a good smell, what could be wrong with that? Is it the pheromones that send out sex signals, or just the cover perfume?
Jamie Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Hi Justine,
I choose to use the gel in the morning so I don’t have to worry about staining my sheets or getting it on my girlfriend when we go to bed. It seems less complicated to apply it in the morning where I don’t usually embrace people physically throughout my day.
Great article! I have to say though, some of the bio males at my work have stronger PMS than many of the women. My office mate calls it manstruating. Feel free to let the irritable bastard in you out once a month! I mean, aren’t we all grouchy from time to time?
One of the things that Dr. Wayne Dyer says all the times is, “Be independent of the good will of others.” Or as we say in AA, “What other people think about you is none of your business.”
In other words, learn to love yourself so that it doesn’t matter what people think about you. It’s not worth stressing about.
Life is filled with body-related issues. We all want to change something about ourselves. We wish some parts were bigger or straighter or smaller or hairier or less hairy or flatter or rounder or longer or less wrinkly or more muscular or less blotchy. Don’t let your happiness depend on the shape or condition of your body. It will never be perfect.
As trans people, we think we go through a transition and then it’s over. But life is transition. To quote the movie Steel Magnolias, “Time marches on and pretty soon you realize it’s marching across your face.”
Change what you can, accept what you can’t and love yourself unconditionally the entire way. You’re worth it.